The If-you’re-gonna-fall-45-feet-from-a-ski-lift, Things-to-do-instead-of-throwing-a-snowball list

So a 17 year old boy fell 45 feet from a ski lift. It’s true. It was on the news, i saw it. Don’t worry, he survived, but when I saw this story this morning (on the news… I watch the news), I missed the part about how the kid fell because he was attempting to throw a snowball at his friends in the lift in front of him WHICH means I’ve been going this whole day thinking this kid was some kind of hero. (That’s right. You fall 45 feet and live to tell the tale? You’re a hero in my book.) I wanted it to be the ski lift companies’ fault so bad though. I don’t know why. Maybe they represent some kind of  snooty, big business authority figure for me that I just want to see get nailed, but what it really came down to was it was this kid’s fault.

Damn it.

I mean, I’m certainly glad he survived… BUT this video got 30,000 views in like 12 hours …what a dick move to go viral on am I right? I’m sure he’s a good kid and I bet he learned his lesson, but for the future if you’re gonna fall that much and live, be doing something more- I don’t know- noble, when you’re filmed. Here’s a list to get you started if you ever plan on this happening to you:

The If-you’re-gonna-fall-45-feet-from-a-ski-lift, Things-to-do-instead-of-throwing-a-snowball list:

1. Write a book.

2. Write several books (it’s a long ride up that mountain.)

3. Think of something nice to say to the snow. It’s an inanimate entity (water), but it needs to hear it, too.

4. Ask yourself, “What was the point of the movie ‘Man on Fire?’ No really. What was the point?” And then think about it.

5. Thumb war. (It’s more fun by yourself than it ought to be.)

6. Make a charm bracelet out of pine needles, dried berries, cones and twigs.*

7. Sing a song. Something light and cheerful like “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac.

8. Make a list called “My Heroes” and cry when you forget to include your dad, but have “Philly Cheesesteak” on there.

9. Sit and be still you impatient son of a gunslinger.


10. Fuck it… throw a snowball, that shit’s kinda funny actually.